Bob Hamp

Forgiving those who hurt you is for your restoration, not the restoration of the offender.  Two particular persons you need to include on your forgiveness list.  You and God

Forgiving yourself is very difficult for many people.  They may have held resentment against themselves for years.  Based on yesterday’s post, forgiveness is how you finally become released from the power of the pain of sins committed against you.  This is especially true if you are the one who commiteed sins against yourself.  Step back, agree with God about your past.  God’s opinion is not that your behavior was acceptable, but that your behavior is covered and finishedand you are now acceptable.. 

Next on the forgiveness list is God.  This one can be a little controversial.  Someone reading may take up offense for God on this.  Relax and keep reading, before you decide to defend the Almighty.  Let me begin by saying that God has never sinned against anyone.  It is essential to keep in mind though, that according to 2 Corinthians 10,  strongholds, patterns of untrue thinking, are directed against our knowledge of God.  At some time in our life it is highly likely that we have held a resentment against God because of our perception of events and our perception of God’s motives and actions.  One of the most tragic events is when someone, because of the pain of their circumstances, builds a barrier between themselves and the only One who can heal them. 

I have often seen people build theological constructs in their mind to avoid dealing with pain in their heart that they have attributed to God.  Get real, get honest.  He is not afraid of you.

Other Random Issues in Forgiveness:

It is not necessary for the other person to come to you and ask forgiveness.  This is your gift to get free, and may not involve that person at all. 

It is not necessary for you tell the other person you have forgiven them.  Too many times I have seen new offense stirred up because of some compulsion to go to someone and say “I have forgiven you”  Let me say again.  Forgiving them is NOT ABOUT THEM.  I have sat with numerous people who forgave deceased relatives.  Forgiveness was for the release of the forgiver not the forgiven.  The whole point is giving them over to God.  Be done.

You might find it tempting to begin to excuse the behavior of the other person.  Thoughts like, “It wasn’t that bad”, or, “they really didn’t mean it”. “They didn’t know better,”  these and so many others seem to be a way that people begin to minimize the offense, and funtionally minimize their own pain.  Remeber the point is NOT the other person but your restoration.  So do not try to answer questions about the motive or capacity of the other.  The question is “did it hurt”?  If it hurt, forgiving them is to help you in your own restoration. 

While I have mentioned that forgiveness is a healing process, God’s healing is not intended to be a substitute for the grieving process.  Grieving is an ongoing process of God’s healing work that reflects the value of what was lost or damaged.  If you lost a loved one, or a relationship, or a possesion, or a condition that was important, attempting to have no more pain at all about this loss, may rob you of the value of grieving.  Jesus was a Man acquainted with grief. We should not run, or hide from it simply because we want to not hurt any more. 

Grieving is the process of our souls adapting to a new and undesired circumstance.  Allow the adaptation to happen. 

The next post will be on  the ugly cousin of resentment, Judgement.  Often when we have need to forgive we also have need to deal with our judgements.