Bob Hamp

“I just wish I felt normal”. 

After twenty years now as a licensed counselor, I have heard this statement countless times in countless settings.  Normal.  Everyone seems to expect that some external standard called “normal” exists and that we can and should figure it out and attain it. 

The idea of some setting called “normal” that you can dial into and finally feel like you are not crazy may be a bit like Atlantis; a destination everyone tries to imagine, but no one we know has actually seen it.  In fact this Destination Normal idea may even be a bit problematic.  What if your picture of “normal-ness” actually contributes to your struggles.  I don’t mean the general struggles of humanity only.  I mean yours specifically.

You conjure in your mind the picture of normal, based on something.  Conscious or unconscious, your picture comes from something you have seen, or imagined you have seen.  A friends family looks normal, you wish yours were like theirs.  The neighbors marriage appears normal, you wish yours were like theirs.  The guy next to you, he appears to have a normal life, you begin to wish yours was like his.  That grass sure looks green over there.

Two immediate thoughts come to mind. 

First, what if you were made to be like you, and not someone else? What if there is no one like you?  What if you are made to carry a specific and unique attribute of God’s Nature, and no one else on earth is designed to carry this characteristic, and certainly no one is designed to carry it like you, and in your circumstances?

To hunger for normal, some externally and socially defined standard, may actually whet your appetite to NOT BE YOU.  Desiring to not be you can cause a great deal of suffering.  Perhaps it is this feeling that you wish would go away.  Your desire is not to be NORMAL, your desire is to be entirely yourself, however abnormal that may be. 

Second, What if the thing you call ”normal” is part of the problem you want to move away from?  What if striving to attain average humanity is why you ended up frustrated in the first place?  What if your definition of normal actually leads to increased discomfort?

Normal for the human race looks like self-reliance.  Normal for the human race looks like self-satisfaction.  Normal for the human race often means feeding the most destructive part of us, and starving the most alive part of us.

Normal for the human race means that our strength is our strength.  What if surrender and weakness bring real and enduring strength?

Normal for the human race means reaching for what we want, and extending our soul toward our desires.  What if letting go brings real peace and satisfaction?

Normal for the human race means pursuit and attainment of goals.  What if being pursued and allowing ourselves to be overtaken gives us what we have always wanted?

Normal for the human race means looking for stimulus in order to feel alive.     What if finding the Source of Life really is the only stiumulus that will really sustain?

Normal.  I am afraid we define normal based on thousands of years of living outside that Garden.